RELACIONAMENTO ABUSIVO | Como lidar ?

Relacionamento abusivo é aquele onde existe o desejo de controlar o outro e tê-lo para si. São aqueles ciúmes descontrolados onde um parece o detetive e o outro o fugitivo de um crime que não cometeu; onde eu deixo de cuidar de mim para cuidar da vida do outro – “onde você foi, com quem, por que, que horas chegou?”. Um sentimento de posse – “ele é meu e de mais ninguém”. Existe uma dependência fora de todos os padrões humanos. Por isso, existem pessoas que tiram a própria vida quando esse vínculo afetivo é quebrado.

Se você chegou a este ponto, existe algo errado no seu relacionamento.

Existe isso nos relacionamentos dentro da própria igreja? Claro que sim! O relacionamento abusivo começa aos poucos e geralmente, carência, baixa autoestima e solidão, fazem com que eu me torne dependente do outro por medo de perder o amor da minha vida – que nunca foi amor. Essa dependência me impede de equacionar o prejuízo que o relacionamento me causa. O resultado é uma relação doentia.

Muitas doenças mentais surgem por causa de relacionamentos doentios porque eu passo a abrir mão de mim mesmo e perco a capacidade de me posicionar e administrar os próprios sentimentos. A minha alegria passa a depender do outro. Eu passo o dia agradando o outro e esqueço da minha própria felicidade.

Algumas vezes isso começa com um grito na frente dos outros ou no silêncio do encontro particular. Grita-se uma vez e fica tudo bem. Grita-se uma segunda vez e fica tudo bem. Até o momento em que isso vira uma “cerca emocional” onde um dita as regras, e o outro aceita calado. As paredes de um cativeiro são erguidas. Esse cativeiro me impede de ir além, culminando com palavras cruéis, violência física e até à morte.

Quando não existe a coragem de quebrar esse cativeiro ou vínculo emocional, eu preciso pedir ajuda psicológica, de um líder da igreja em que frequento, de um amigo, de um familiar.

Existem sinais? Sim! Manipulação, ciúmes excessivos, possessividade, mudanças de humor, controle sobre o outro, ações diferentes da fala, desrespeito, chantagens emocionais; a pessoas não confia em nada que digo ou faço, me pressiona a fazer o que não quero, me faz sentir a pior pessoa do mundo, me impede de realizar sonhos e ir atrás de objetivos, tem controle sobre minhas decisões, me isola de amigos e familiares, me faz acreditar que tudo é minha culpa, nunca dela.

Pessoas que me fazem sentir assim, são rasas, superficiais e não merecem meu tempo e amor. O manipulador sempre usa o meu amor por ele contra mim mesmo e isso me prende no relacionamento.

Se, por algum motivo – como por exemplo a baixa autoestima – eu entro nessa onda, o relacionamento me escraviza. Não posso acreditar que o amor escraviza. À partir do momento em que isso acontece, preciso cair fora, isso não é e nunca será amor.

Tome cuidado com relacionamentos que te escravizam, busque ajuda para se livrar deste tipo de relacionamento, mas o melhor conselho que posso dar é: nunca deixe que o outro tenha domínio sobre você, se ame primeiro, se valorize, cuide dos sentimentos únicos que existem dentro de você, não deixe que outros apaguem o melhor que você é e tem. Conheça a pessoa com quem você vai se relacionar, pesquise sobre ela, converse bastante sem deixar que paixonites agudas e crises de carências falem mais alto.

A máxima de um relacionamento saudável é: você só consegue cuidar do outro quando cuida primeiro de você mesmo.

Por isso eu sempre digo: é melhor viver 30 anos solteira (o), ficando para titia (o) do que vivendo ao lado de alguém que, todos os dias, rouba o melhor que existe dentro de você.

(Texto escrito por Isaac Ioshep – Ministério De Nós Dois – Parceiro do blog)

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